Friday, September 13, 2013

5 Lessons I Learned from Burn Notice

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So Burn Notice is ending today. That show has been part of life as I know it since late 2007, and was a welcome respite from the dearth of good TV shows during the American summer. For years, Michael Westen and his gang of cocky bitchy little girls would provide me with the same level of entertainment that I would imagine MacGyver provided people who were three to four decades older than me.

And now, the time has come for us to say one last farewell to those bitchy little girls. What better way to show my appreciation than by listing down the five things I learned from Burn Notice, 8list style? So here goes.

Say good-bye to all those bitchy little girls.

#5: Super spies ain’t got nothin’ on a chain-smoking old woman with a shotgun.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen Maddy Westen get bested by any individual in her own home. Agents sent by the CIA, the FBI, and thugs sent by the various scumbags Michael’s tangled with over the years have tried, but failed to get the better of this old lady. Sure, Michael and his friends have been there to help out time and again, but give her a shotgun, and even our very own burned super spy is sent packing.

maddy westen

Somebody needs to grow a pair, Michael.

#4: C4 is the answer to everything.

Can’t get into the server room? C4 that sonuvabitch. Wall too thick? Lay out a strategic set of plastic explosives to break down a portion of that wall. Out of bombs? Toss a wad of – wait, no. Whatever the case, give Fiona Glenanne a pack of C4, and she can make miracles happen. And, theoretically, so can you.

fiona glenanne

I can fix that. I just need some C4.

#3: Spies and terrorist networks don’t keep a very thorough dossier. Just ask Chuck Finley.

Charles “Chuck” Finley is the alter ego of Sam Axe, ex-Navy SEAL, ladies man, and the guy with the iron chin. Sam has used that alter ego perhaps thousands of times throughout the course of Burn Notice, and not once has anybody else taken the time to stop and think something like “Hey, isn’t Chuck Finley the guy who brought down Ernesto some time ago?”

chuck finley

Hi I'm Chuck Finley. How're ya?

#2: In relation to #3, Miami is a small town where people don’t talk.

If they did, they would know who Michael Westen, Sam Axe / Chuck Finley, Fiona, or even Jesse Porter, were. I mean, those guys have revealed themselves to bad guys time and again throughout all these seven years. You’d think that some of the survivors would have joined some other gang, and spread the news of who they were. But apparently, that doesn’t happen.

Jesse explosion

Because nobody cares about explosions that big.

#1: Black market money launderers are all-powerful individuals.

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a team make such good use of a character like Barry Burkowski. Whenever the team needs additional funds, they go to Barry. Whenever they need to get rid of some cash, they go to Barry. Whenever something goes wrong – Barry. I can’t help but think that the episodes when Barry needed Michael’s help were put in just to humanize Paul Tei’s awesome character.

barry the handsome executive

Nothing says "boss" more than that face right there.

And that’s it, folks. Now go to your TV sets and wait for the series finale.

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