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Showing posts from September, 2007

If I Had a Choice

I'd take root here, and never, ever leave. Last night was one of the greatest nights I've ever had in a really really long time. Three bottles of Tanduay (with one still remaining) and a bottle of Gran Matador, plus all that red wine. The laughs and slapstick fun of awesome company, the thrilling talk and catching up. Bruce's nudist qualities. All that food (apparently). Blacking out again - and having fun even after (I know I did, and so did everybody else).

I am going back here, and I am never, ever leaving. Only these people can keep my mind happy, with their silly antics. Once Obbie posts the photos, the world will see just how wild a night at Mount Narciso can be. Haha!

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I just got back to Manila.

The only way to get the best Manila-style greeting is to ride the ordinary fare bus from NAIA to Buendia lugging a somewhat light piece of otherwise bulky luggage. And a laptop. And then it's a crowded jeep from there to Makati Medical.

I'm sleepy. And almost happy. All that's left is to get some things out of my mind.

I Love Haibane Renmei

A dialogue taken from the last episode of Haibane Renmei:

Everytime I trusted someone, I always ended up being betrayed, so at some point, I stopped trusting everybody. So that I wouldn't have to get hurt, I became a stone.

Ironic, isn't it? If only I close my heart and pretend to be nice, everyone says I'm a good Haibane. They just don't know how dark and impure my heart is.

That's not true! You were always kind! I believe in you!

Rakka. You never realized, did you? How jealous I was of you.

You weren't . . .

Both of us were sin-bound, but you were forgiven. Everyone leaves me. When Kuu took the Dayof Flight, some part of me was jealous of her, and I absolutely despised myself for that.

That's not true! You came to look for me when I fell into the well! You took care of me and went to get the medicine for me! When I was in pain, you were always there for me!

That's right! And why do you think I did that?! I was only looking for s…

Everybody's Dancin' in the Moonlight

Okay, note to self: if you sleep at, say, three in the morning, and for some screwed up reason, your body decides to wake you up, fresh and alert, at five thirty two bloody hours later, you can instantly assume that your body is indeed crazy, and is lying to you through it's teeth.

Here's what happened. I slept at three after enjoying a heartbreakingly beautiful movie called Magnolia (which, if you haven't had the pleasure of viewing the film as of your reading of this humbled text, should shame you into submission and prod - nay, drop kick you into finding a copy of it as fast as you can). It was an honestly good night, considering how last week was like; and I think I slept like a baby.

That is, until I opened my eyes, feeling fresh and wired, fists at the ready to tackle whatever linebackers the week decides to throw my way.

It was five thirty-two in the morning.

Since I didn't usually wake up this early in the morning, I decided to go and give the apartment a good b…

This Is More Than Just Sheer Coincidence

Meme taken from Mike, title stolen from "Magnolia," since the movie rocks so much.

1. When you were a kid (read anywhere from birth to about ten), what did you "want to be when you grew up"? Do you still want that?

I always wanted to be a criminal investigator. And no, I don't think so; the PNP don't get paid enough, Pinoy crime is like an infestation of fleas on a scraggly mutt, and private investigators usually don't have enough back-up to stay alive.

2. What is the best video game, and why?

Tough question. But the only game I ever played more than twenty times was Chrono Trigger, so I guess that'd be it.

Or the Megaman series! Fanboys rule. Oh, and here's something interesting. Or sick.

3. Pencil or pen? *g*

Pen. They can be used to make intricate skin tattoos.

4. Three wishes - what are they? (They have to be selfish wishes.)

The powers of:

a. Mind reading (I swear)
b. Flight
c. Destruction

5. What's the one question you'd like me to ask? Answer…

This Is Not The Music From "Jaws"

We take a break from your regularly scheduled program to give everybody who cares a heavy dose of hardcore fanboyism:


I just finished watching "The Awakening," the first episode of this much-awaited continuation of what could be one of the most groundbreaking animated children's shows the mighty America has produced (and that's saying a lot, actually, considering the quality of most shows they've been churning out, but that's for another day). And unlike the severe mood swings the season one ender / season two premiere had - which wasn't bad at all, although it could be unsettling for those watching the series continuously - this series continues from the insanely depressing cliffhanger of "The Crossroads of Destiny."

Aang seems to be going through a Potterification of sorts (read: gay / emo transformation), while Zuko is, once again, the butt of all Azula's jokes - but that's bee…

My Mule is Broken. I Need a Replacement.

Sometimes, I just sit in front of my desk, thinking that maybe, just maybe, the past year's been a big-ass joke. That somewhere, out there, is me, sleeping off a hangover after a heavy night of drinking at Bruce's or Louie's. That everything was right with the world - I still had long hair, I was still a fat bastard who could take in alcohol and troubles as if he were the unbreakable Iron Man.

(funny, how I mention Iron Man in this post, since technically Tony Stark is your ultimate tragic hero; trapped in his life support system because of shrapnel in his heart for the longest time, then varying levels of death and rebirth. Real smooth, Martin Cruz. You're a genius when it comes to accidental metaphors).

But no. I'm here. I know I'm here. I told myself I'd never resolve to regret, since regret equates to something that you couldn't ever fix, and I've always prided myself in being able to fix things that I end up wrecking. But I somewhat regret 2007. …

Because the Weather is Full of the Threat of Rain

There are, I have discovered, few things that amaze me.

Sitting here, in the dazzling sun while basking in the dour of a cold southerner threatening to take my sun away and turn the sunny afternoon into something more quaint, less exciting, I know and wait and see the unfolding of the magnificence only nature can bring, and I watch it with the anticipation of a child waiting for a gift from his mother, only less profound, because in this case, the gift was ephemeral and immaterial.

And it's common knowledge that immaterial things, emotions, psychoses, frustrations, and peace, count for plenty in the big scheme of things, but only, only if the packaging is gorgeous enough to dazzle the senses. In this case, again, it is not. After all, the slow cycle of the weather and seasons is an imitation of the flux of the impenetrable immaterials of your average person, and thus, when the sun slowly wanes in the face of heavy weather, one cannot help but imitate, and sink into a ponderous air s…


Just another meme. Got it from work, edited it a bit (and by that, I mean I removed one question).
If I was an opposite gender, what would my party clothes be like? Uh. Don't know about the top, but I'd always wear a long skirt. The kind I'd trip over.
At 10am this morning, I was… Fast asleep
At 10pm tonight, I will be… Debating about going home or doing overtime. Who should be the next Malaysian Prime Minister? I have no idea.
If my spouse told me to do without sex for a year, I would… agree. If I had a significant other, much less a spouse. And if she could stand it.
If I was a piece of a car, I would be the…the plush interior
If I was told one day that I would have to give up either 1) anything chocolate OR 2) ever seeing the beach again, for the rest of my life, which one will I give up?
Chocolates. No contest.
Singapore is good for… splurging on cash.

If I could only say 3 words before I die, what would those last words be? I am eternal.

Who would I like to be left on a deserted…

The Working Tour of Manila by a Real Son of Manila

I technically am a son of Manila, and I love Pandacan despite the somewhat decrepit anti-ghetto state it has recently degenerated into. Manila, a friend used to say, was like a whore; nondescript by day, dazzlingly beautiful but dangerous by night. Even today, as I try to live my life away from the hustle and bustle of the nation's questionable capital, I find myself yearning for the polluted avenues of Taft and United Nations, the Francisco Zamora bridge, which everybody from Pandacan lovingly calls the "bagong tulay," which leads to one of the largest motel sprawls imaginable in the country. I long for Roxas Boulevard and the filthy but romantic sea wall, from the old Army-Navy Sports complex to the pristine, dog-friendly gardens of the cultural centre, just like how a man, devoid of love, returns to the embrace of his favorite prostitute just to know what human touch felt like, once in a while.

I want to see that old, somewhat batty old man who directs traffic at the c…

The Frog in My Apartment: A Fairy Tale

A small frog managed to make it's way into my house the other night.

I'd just gotten home, fresh from a night out after doing a bit of work that really needed seeing to, lest I get fired, and I wouldn't want that, no I wouldn't. I switched the dim lights on, and woke up my computer from hibernation. There were still some documents left to finish, but I didn't feel like doing them at the time.

Instead, I felt like cooking. I had some rather tasty, zeppelin-shaped sardines waiting in my larder, and the local variation of the monay, which had a glazed crust that tasted so much like honey, it was a crime to toast it for fear of divine retribution. These two foodstuffs went really well together, and it didn't take too much prodding from my inner self to get moving.

That was when I saw the frog.

It was sitting on the sink, right beside my dishrack, looking rather innocently at some ants that were crawling up the wall. It was probably hungry too, but it was so small, ha…

Wedding Aftermaths

Martin Cruz: writer / master of celebrations / club dancing machine extraordinaire.
Status: Dead
Life lessons:
- Jesuit priests do not like being cut off just when they are starting the gospel. No they don't.

- If you have to be the emcee for a wedding, make sure that a ready-made programme of events is set. Otherwise:
Demand for oneMake one yourselfBack out from the position, with your tail between your legs
Get hammered before the reception proper
Hara-kiri?- Cake is good. And so is fried chicken. And a lot of other wedding foods. Really.

- Tequilla and subsequent bottles of Red Horse do not a great conversationalist make. It does, however, make for an awesome dancing machine.

- Never ever start a conversation when you're inebriated and cooking corned beef at the same time. Cutting an onion is an exciting work of art when in this state, and could very well take ages.

- Mobile phones should be kept away from an inebriated Martin. I think some of my friends know this well. :D

And in the…

This Could Just Be Me After a Bad Night

But lemme assure you that I don't ask for help for no reason. I won't explain why I'm asking for your prayers, but if you slightly care for the sanity and wellbeing of either Kilawinguwak, Martin Cruz, or the Cruz family, then I beg and implore you for prayers. I / We severely need them. Thank you.

The Attack of the Mystery Bug

Yesterday, I was kept from leaving the house because of the fact that my lower back hurt like a bitch in heat, which cemented my decision to keep away from sit-ups, and stick to crunches. As a result, I had to stay and work from home - which I have begun to mind, because my home time is when I work on my stories and watch the multitudes of media I gather, since I am sans television. I'd rather work in an environment like the office, where the air is made of nothing other than work, and serves as a cocoon from the reality of the world.

Fortunately for me, Lia was more than understanding, and let me conduct my homework (so to speak) at peace.

I was going to go to work today, to make up for the lost day yesterday. Unfortunately, sometime this morning, a series of rather unfortunate events happened that I will now relate.

So there I was, sitting at the only chair in my house, typing away and trying as hard as I could (and utterly failing) to keep myself seated upright without damaging m…

One-Eyed Man

It's been very quiet within my corner of the blogosphere recently. And no, Multiply doesn't count - Most people're usually just crossposting over at the service (I'm one of them), so technically, those guys're not even in my blogroll.

So to liven things up, here's a survey - yes, I do surveys sometimes - grabbed from Trina. I wasn't planning on posting this, but I gave it a shot, and some of the results were pretty hilarious. Just remember that most of the time, the songs I listen to don't have any lyrics.

Also, some of the items here are, ah, sensitive. If you know something about that particular part of my life, keep it to yourself. :D

1. if someone says "Is this okay?" you say?
Adieu - Emily Bindiger
Okay, this is a beautiful, sad song. I'm guessing the question has something to do with a break-up. Ouch. That brings back really foul memories.

2. what would best describe your personality?
Feel The Circle - Yoko Kanno
An intense, beautiful instrm…

If This Were the Beaches of Normandy, We'd Have Been the Axis Forces

Very, very few things serve to shake the Zeppelin's own foundations, but today, the content-finance department's team building activity at Roan Beach served to deal a double helping of fun and excitement to the life of Martin Cruz, writer-salaryman.

It was a long time coming, this team building activity, and I learned quite a bit about the otherwise benign folks of the BOTW team (I am the only member of the umbrella content department, and Argee [RG?] is the only other member of finance). I'm usually pretty benign myself, described by the office folks as the peevish, stern-looking, quiet writer who makes it a rule to come in late (oh boy, Lia is going to have my hide for that line).

But today. Today, ladies and gentlemen. Today, the very foundations of all these laid-back individuals were shaken, and the Cthulus that slept within the depths of their innermost beings were revealed, stank, ugly, and rather willing to party given a bottle or two of beers. There was the exciti…