Monday, October 22, 2007

The End of Contentment

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This is the end of contentment.

I finished the last few assignments I had to finish for Stickymedia Solutions' content department earlier today. It was like dropping off anchor from your hometown, waving at all your friends from the dock, wishing them all well and promising to write, except that you know you'll still be in the same place at the same time the next day.

I'm not saying that its an emotional separation. I've been going on way too much about emotional this and emotional that for the past few posts that I could put up my very own soap opera clinic and actually have enough material to last me a couple of years. So no, this isn't an emotional post.

But there's something to be said about having a steady something that you know working for you. I mean, I know writing. I know my writing. For the past year, I've been editing so many words, resuscitating so many dead articles, churning out so much copy that I couldn't even bear to look at the short story I'm writing when I get home. But I enjoyed my stay in the content department, and I know the content kids enjoyed my company as well, and there's just no replacement for the kind of love that you get from people who appreciate your work for what it is.

Tomorrow I plow into the world of Advibe Media, and the uncharted waters of full-throttle cutthroat Internet advertising. I have no idea just how well I could do in this new environment. My previous boss tells me that I could do it. The company owner says that the client thinks I could do it. I just hope I can think that I can do it.

My sister mentioned something about horoscopes that make some sense. If you fall for a symbiotic element, say earth (since I'm a Cancerian, and that's water if I've ever seen one), the chances are rather strong that one of the two people in the relationship will lose his or her identity. Which makes me wonder just how much of my identity I've lost so far. I can tell that the past five months have changed me so drastically, it's frightening. And while the idea of being fully content in a relationship is appealing in so many levels that it's frightening, does it make the price of one's own personality worth it?

Am I headed down that path that will generate a massive change in the entity that is me? Have I begun that metamorphosis already? Am I making the right choice in pursuing this? Is it worth my time, my effort, and the effort of the other person?

So I lied. This was going to be another emo post. Sue me.

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