The Number One Rule of Clubbing

Seriously speaking, I'm not the kind of person who goes to clubs. And of course, when I say that, I lie - I like clubs. I like how you can drown in the noise of club music, I like how you get to dance with pretty ladies who pretty much don't care who they dance with, so long as you don't act like a douchebag.

Let's see. I started clubbing back when I was in CdO. Lots of things happened back in CdO, if you think about it, but clubbing was an experience I found exhilarating. It was a way of communicating without having to think about what to do while you're out on the dance floor. You let the music get your adrenaline going, and once it's pumping your blood through the entire network of veins and arteries in your body, you know that it's time to break out your jam, brotha.

But there's this stigma that clubbing just can't seem to get rid of. See, since this is such a hotbed for the onrush of passions and mindless emotions, the need to get a better kick out of the experience is always present. See, people have a hard time letting go of their inhibitions just like so, and sometimes rely on narcotics like alcohol, caffeine (it works sometimes), and other more dangerous substances that can addle the brain. No, I'm not talking about doobie - I'm all for the legalization of the herb. I speak here of chemical elements that seriously fuck up your system. No other way to put it.

It's also pretty well-known that the clubbing / bar scene is a place where people go to hook up with other people, either for a one-nighter or for a longer commitment. I attribute this to two factors:

• The alcohol / drugs in your system tend to make you more footloose. The smoother, more predatory side of your psyche is unleashed, and when you get the chance to bed somebody, you dig right in.
• There's also the fact that you're talking about a social hotpot brought to a boil when you talk about clubs. You have people who technically don't know each other dancing, grabbing and groping each other. You can't help yourself - you get too close, and you get turned on. Once you've bonered, or once you've soaked your panties, the rest of the night's likely to be an apostrophe to what happens when you step into your new friend's car.

I will not kid you - I still think this way. When I step into a club with all that heat around me, all those laser lights and all those bodies moving, I can't help but think about who of the women in this throng do I find hot. The next thought is, is she alone? You get the picture. But that's just one side there is to clubbing.

Recently, I've been going to discos with two friends who've been looking to have a good time. Mostly, my work has been that of a wingman, and it's been pretty interesting so far. See, it's one thing to look for a lay on a Friday night by stalking clubs, and it's another thing to look for women you can introduce your friends to on a Friday night. You've got different considerations you need to look out for, and for once, you're not evaluating the girls with just how well they can put out in bed (sic), but just how interesting they'll be to talk to. You don't want to get your friend a woman for the night either, because if he's got the car and he skeets off with a woman, he sure as hell won't be bringing you along - which means you'll be pretty much stranded. So yeah, when you play wingman without a car, you look for people who're just there to talk.

Which is where it gets difficult. See, when you've got an ulterior motive, you can't help but think positive: you pretty much will all that adrenaline out of your system. You're a friggin tiger out on the prowl. It gives you an edge. There's also a slight possibility that you will exude a slight pheromone in order to attract the opposite sex.

When you're just there to have fun, you don't do all of this. You are relaxed, and what little musk emanates from you is probably just you - body odor. And that was my biggest problem when I was playing wingman, the one reason that I couldn't bring out my A-game. This led me to try a different approach, which leads me to stating the number one rule of clubbing (which applies both to wingmen and hunters, and pretty much life in general):

Your confidence is your greatest weapon. Use it to your advantage, and great success you will reap.

If you can't do something as simple as that, then don't even think of going to clubs. You'll probably spaz out minutes into the first song - if you ever make it to the dance floor at all.